Why Receiving Feedback Is a Leadership Skill (Not a Personality Trait)
- Tanesha Moody
- Feb 14
- 4 min read
Why Receiving Feedback Is a Leadership Skill (Not a Personality Trait)
Some people are labeled as “good at feedback.”
They’re calm. They don’t get defensive. They seem open, coachable, and reflective.
Others get labeled as “bad at feedback.”
They react emotionally. They shut down. They over-explain or spiral.
And somewhere along the way, we started believing that the difference between the two is personality.
It’s not.
Receiving feedback well is not a personality trait. It’s a leadership skill.
And like any skill, it can be learned, practiced, and strengthened.
The Myth That Holds Leaders Back
One of the most damaging beliefs I hear from leaders is this:
“I’m just not great at receiving feedback.”
That statement quietly turns a skill gap into a fixed identity.
If feedback reception is framed as personality-based:
Growth feels limited
Leaders feel stuck
Feedback becomes something to endure, not use
But when feedback reception is framed as a skill:
Leaders regain agency
Learning becomes possible
Feedback becomes information, not threat
That shift alone is transformative.
Why Receiving Feedback Feels So Hard
Let’s be honest — feedback is vulnerable.
When feedback is received, several things happen simultaneously:
Our competence feels questioned
Our identity feels exposed
Our nervous system reacts before logic kicks in
This isn’t weakness. It’s biology.
Without tools, most people default to one of four reactions:
Defensiveness
Over-explaining
Shutting down
Overcorrecting
None of those responses reflect leadership potential. They reflect lack of training.
The Cost of Treating Feedback as a Personality Issue
When leaders believe feedback reception is innate, several things break down:
1. Feedback Becomes Avoided
Leaders stop asking for it because it feels destabilizing.
2. Growth Slows
Without feedback, blind spots remain blind.
3. Power Dynamics Harden
Feedback feels like something done to people instead of used by them.
The irony is that leaders who struggle most with receiving feedback are often the ones who care deeply about doing well.
They don’t lack motivation. They lack structure.
Feedback Is Data — Not Identity
One of the most important shifts leaders make in my work is learning to separate who they are from what they’re hearing.
Feedback is:
Information
Perspective
Input
It is not:
A verdict
A definition of worth
A final judgment
When leaders don’t have a way to make this distinction, feedback feels personal — even when it’s not intended to be.
Receiving feedback well starts with this truth:
You don’t have to accept all feedback to respect it.
That’s not defensiveness. That’s discernment.
SAFE Feedback™ and Receiver Agency
This is where SAFE Feedback™ becomes more than a delivery framework.
SAFE gives leaders a way to engage feedback without losing themselves in it.
When leaders receive feedback through a SAFE lens, they can ask:
Is this specific enough to be useful?
Is it actionable?
Is it focused on growth?
Is it delivered with care?
If the feedback isn’t SAFE, the conversation isn’t over — it’s incomplete.
SAFE becomes a diagnostic tool, not a demand for agreement.
That’s agency.
What Skilled Feedback Reception Actually Looks Like
Leaders who are skilled at receiving feedback don’t necessarily feel calm.
They feel grounded.
They know how to:
Pause before reacting
Thank someone without immediately agreeing
Ask clarifying questions
Decide what to act on — and what to release
This isn’t emotional detachment. It’s emotional regulation paired with discernment.
And it’s teachable.
Real-World Example: Same Feedback, Different Outcomes
A leader receives this feedback:
“Your communication style can feel abrupt.”
Unskilled reception:
Immediate defensiveness
Over-explaining
Internalizing it as “I’m a bad leader”
Skilled reception:
“Can you share an example of when that showed up?”
“What impact did you notice?”
“What would a better version look like in your view?”
Same feedback. Very different result.
The difference isn’t personality. It’s skill.
Why This Matters at the Leadership Level
Leaders model how feedback is received — whether they intend to or not.
When leaders:
Shut down
Get defensive
Dismiss feedback
Their teams learn to do the same.
But when leaders demonstrate:
Curiosity
Groundedness
Discernment
They create cultures where feedback is information — not ammunition.
This is how feedback culture actually changes.
Receiving Feedback Requires Courage
Receiving feedback well isn’t passive.
It takes courage to:
Stay present
Ask questions
Decide intentionally
Act without self-betrayal
This is why feedback reception aligns so strongly with Align with Courage in the CLEAR Method™.
Courage isn’t about saying yes to everything. It’s about staying anchored while you decide.
How Leaders Can Build This Skill
If receiving feedback feels destabilizing, start here:
1. Practice Pausing
You don’t have to respond immediately.
2. Separate Signal from Noise
Not all feedback deserves the same weight.
3. Decide Before You Act
Feedback is input — not instruction.
These skills can be taught. They can be practiced. They can be normalized.
A Resource to Support You
If you want a practical way to receive feedback without spiraling or shutting down, I created a free SAFE Feedback™ guide that walks through how to engage feedback with clarity and courage.
And if developing this skill is critical for your leaders or teams, this is the work I bring into organizations through keynotes, workshops, and leadership development programs.
👉 Book Tanesha to explore how this can support your leaders.
Final Thought
Leaders aren’t born good at receiving feedback.
They’re taught.
When feedback becomes a skill instead of a test, leaders stop bracing — and start growing.
