Rejecting Rejection Advice: Why 'Toughen Up' Isn't It
I previously discussed how rejection is anything that doesn’t feel like a “Hell Yes.” It’s not always a blatant “No.” Sometimes rejection comes with whispers from the universe saying, “Not at this time” or a “No, but maybe with these changes.” Rejection isn’t solely a word with its negative swirl of connotations but an experience, a concoction of emotions, thoughts, and physical sensations that we all encounter. Every single person, at some point in their lives, will experience rejection. It is universal and unites us all in our shared humanity.
I can’t recall the exact moment I first heard it, but I distinctly remember it happening while shedding tears over something someone deemed trivial. Crying is one of those actions beyond my conscious control, especially when I need to hold back the tears. Shedding tears at will is a different skill altogether, but I prefer not to disclose all my hidden talents to the world.
Being told to 'build tough skin' or to 'suck it up' wasn't particularly comforting during a moment of emotional vulnerability. The concept of 'tough skin' here refers to the ability to withstand emotional blows without being affected, a trait often associated with resilience. If anything, those words might have triggered even more intense crying spells. The idea of toughening up when I felt like I was facing a personal catastrophe, only to be advised to focus on developing resilience?! It felt jarringly out of place!
Just as these phrases lack impact during a crying episode, they are equally unhelpful in times of rejection. I detest the typical advice on handling rejection. Firstly, there's never a clear roadmap on how to toughen up. What exactly does it entail to acquire this metaphorical tough skin? Will my partner still find me touchable with such resilience?
Moreover, what does this tough skin look and feel like? Personally, I have no interest in walking around resembling a calloused toe! I strive for that soft, smooth skin akin to a baby's bottom!
What troubles me most about this advice, and the conventional way of dealing with rejection, is that it advocates for a diminished version of oneself. I often hear phrases like 'you're too much' and 'you're not everyone's cup of tea.' It's puzzling why there's a push for conformity in this manner. As someone inherently wired to be sensitive and experience a broad spectrum of emotions, toughening up feels like a betrayal of my true essence, my authentic self. It's like being asked to change the very fabric of who I am. I believe God designed me this way, and I refuse to conform to a standard that doesn't honor my true self.
The concept of developing tough skin often leads us down a singular path to emotional invulnerability, disregarding the potential benefits that come with facing rejection. Rejection offers valuable feedback, insights, and learning opportunities. Therefore, if we invest all our efforts into toughening up to shield ourselves from rejection, we might overlook the invaluable lessons that can propel us toward self-improvement. Rejection is not a roadblock but a stepping stone to personal growth and self-improvement.
Rejection should not be viewed as an obligatory ordeal that compels us to dilute our authenticity. Instead, encountering rejection and navigating through it successfully allows us to embrace every aspect and subtlety of our being. Rather than fortifying ourselves against rejection, we have the chance to delve deeper into our genuine selves and undergo personal growth.
Key Takeaways
Emotional Vulnerability: The traditional advice to "toughen up" during moments of emotional vulnerability can be counterproductive and dismissive.
Unhelpful Advice: Common advice on handling rejection, like developing "tough skin," often lacks practical guidance and can feel like a call to diminish one's true self.
Authenticity Over Conformity: Being authentic and embracing sensitivity is not just crucial, it's empowering. Efforts to conform to societal resilience standards can feel like a betrayal of one’s true essence. But remember, your true essence is what makes you unique and beautiful.
Learning from Rejection: Rejection provides valuable feedback and learning opportunities. Shielding ourselves too much from rejection can prevent personal growth and self-improvement.
Embracing Rejection: Instead of fortifying against rejection, using it as an opportunity for self-discovery and growth helps maintain authenticity and embrace one’s true self.
Rejection doesn't have to harden you or make you less of who you are. Instead, it can be a powerful tool for growth and self-discovery. It's okay to reject the traditional advice of 'toughening up' and instead embrace your authentic self. This liberating choice can lead to a life lived 'Full Out.'
Are you ready to make this choice? Join me at Full Out Coaching, where we transform rejections into resilience. Schedule your complimentary discovery call today, and let’s unlock your full potential together!
<!-- LinkedInContent: “Toughen up.” “Build thick skin.” Ever heard those words after facing rejection? Let’s be real—they’re more frustrating than helpful.
Rejection doesn’t require us to harden ourselves or become less of who we are. In fact, it’s an invitation to lean into authenticity, grow, and embrace the full spectrum of our emotions.
In my latest blog, I share why "toughen up" advice falls flat and how embracing rejection can lead to greater self-discovery and resilience.
Read it here: [Insert Link]
Rejection is coming—let’s handle it Full Out. #RejectionIsGrowth #LiveFullOut #Authenticity #Resilience #PersonalGrowth -->
Comments