If you’re single (congratulations, by the way, and it’s coming <3), know someone single, a person, then you’ve most likely heard about the infamous Table.
Yes, the Table.
You know the one I’m talking about – the imaginary stage where everyone wants to showcase their relationship qualifications, like that “Naked Attraction” show on HBO where everyone strips down and decides if they're going to take you for a dating ride (if you haven’t checked it out, give it a go. It’s a wild time).
Yea, fuck that Table.
Let me break it down to catch up with those lucky enough to live under a rock or in a multiverse where everyone is happily partnered up with their soul mate at the age of two. The Table is a mythical construct that allows any and everyone to step on up and lay out their credentials to prove that they have some qualifications for a successful relationship. If you peep into the social media forums and chat rooms, everyone is quick to share about their desired mate to sport six-figure salaries, six feet in height, and six beach homes or at least bring similar attributes to said table.
The Table doesn’t actually exist. It’s become a beacon in our collective imagination, crafted by societal expectations and Instagram-perfect relationships. And honestly, I’d be content never having to sift through another thread or hearing from inquiring souls about what people bring to the table and what others expect from others to carry to The Table ever again. I’m incredibly tired of hearing about it and discussing it. I am so fed up about it that I’m spending this beautiful Sunday on the couch, primarily naked, writing about my frustrations. Fuck this Table.
What gets me feeling some type of way is that the whole Table discussion completely ignores the things that can’t be quantified, listed on a resume, or quickly confirmed by a peek into one’s bank account. Of course, these things are nice. Don’t get me wrong. All 5’2” of me loves a dude over 6 feet. And, yes, flying first class is easier on someone else’s 6-figure salary. So, yes, I understand. These things, however, which are the discussion’s table legs, are not the foundation of a meaningful relationship.
Material possessions or physical attributes don’t measure genuine connection and the makings of a lasting relationship. This is a side tangent; however, I just wanted to point out that my Pastor, a man of God, said that there needs to be physical attraction. I'm stepping back onto my soapbox now. Ahem.
Luckily or unluckily, I've never been asked this stupid question -- "What do you bring to the table?". And honestly, I don’t know how I would feel about a potential suitor asking me this question. But as a person who loves to think about futures that could possibly but probably won’t ever happen, here’s my answer in case you ever find yourself on the receiving end of this question: I bring myself.
Yes, I bring myself. I bring my love for God, love for myself, and the capacity to love deeply, listen without judgment, and support. I bring my quirkiness, flaws, and those little idiosyncrasies that make me uniquely, weirdly, me. I bring my commitment to living authentically, passion for growth, and faith in something greater than myself. I bring my willingness to take risks, be vulnerable, and dance like nobody’s watching. I bring the best version of myself, one who has the capacity to hold space for whoever has the pleasure of being at my table.
What’s most exciting is that I get to bring my future self to the table, who is willing and excited to evolve, and partner with someone else who is in alignment with their purpose and ready to meet life’s challenges head-on.
And, hopefully, that’s what the other person is bringing, too.
That sounds so much better than “I bring a few investment properties and an over 800-point credit score,” right? (I'm not saying I don’t have those as well.)
This may not be for you or the person who’s on the receiving end of this answer, honestly. If a six-figure salary is more important than someone who truly complements who you are, that’s cool. To each their own, and I sincerely hope you find what you’re looking for.
For me, and the ones who are getting it – I’m interested in building something real, something meaningful, something that transcends the superficial trappings of modern dating. I’m interested in flipping that fucking table into a bonfire somewhere with a partner that wants to go on a journey that requires patience, understanding, a heaping of grace, and just something different than what’s being portrayed.
I never want to leave y’all hanging without some practical steps to help you say “Fuck The Table,” too.
Embrace Your Uniqueness
Your value isn’t determined or dependent on those societal checkmarks or what’s in your bag, so embrace what makes you individually you and celebrate it. Someone somewhere is looking for the you that isn’t camouflage.
Figure Out Those Core Values
At Full Out Coaching, one of the first things we do is help clients identify their core values. These principles and beliefs serve as your compass, guiding you in making decisions and pursuing your goals. Aligning your values with those of a potential partner is crucial for a fulfilling relationship, but it also helps in every type of relationship.
Look Beyond Surface-Level
Don't fear the deep dive! Please ask questions, listen attentively, and understand the other person beyond their salary and physical attractiveness. We’re looking for shared values, goals, and aspirations. Figure out your own vision for the future and other significant bits, and then see if there’s alignment with theirs. Red Flag alert if they (or you!) don’t know what these are!
Bonus points for my fellow Christians:
Prioritize Commitment to God
My goodness. The amount of folks who have these table discussions and completely forget to mention that they want a partner submitted to God. Y’all. If they aren’t saying this, send them away with a to-go box. Don't settle for a partner who doesn't share your commitment to faith. A relationship centered on God's love and guidance is invaluable.
Pray for Clarity and Wisdom
Let’s give up the “I’ll see for myself” and ask for a revelation and guidebook instead. Instead of relying solely on your own judgment, seek divine guidance through prayer. Ask for clarity and wisdom to discern the right path.
Trust God’s Plan
He’s got us, and His timing is perfect. Trust that He will lead you to the right person and provide everything you need for a fulfilling relationship.
With God at the center of our relationships, we can rest assured that His plan is always worth waiting for.
So, let’s step away from the table and focus on what truly matters – finding someone who shares your beliefs, values, goals, and vision for the future while also connecting on a level that reaches the depths of your soul.
Let's focus on what really matters: genuine connections, courageously being our authentic selves, and living life to the fullest. And who knows? Maybe, just maybe, we'll find that the best things in life don't need a table at all.
So, Fuck The Table.
Ready to embrace your authenticity and cultivate meaningful connections? Take the next step with Full Out Coaching. Visit our website to learn more and schedule your complimentary consultation today. Let's embark on this transformative journey together!
