Am I Wrong About Dating? Questioning the Value of Digital Connections

Am I Wrong? 

So, yes. I'm one of those people who takes a lot of things personally. I have a lot of emotions of my own, and then I can feel the feelings of others. So, at any given time, there's just a lot going on, and my multiple versions of myself can be seen inside my head, twerking, reading, and sipping a bubbly wine simultaneously. It's a party all of the time. 

But I just gotta know. Am I wrong about this? 

Am I doing that thing where I'm just taking every single thing personally, and it's running a circuit through my body akin to Shakira's early 2000s choreography? 

I'm not so sure, y'all. I think I'm in the right this time. 

Dating. This whole dating thing is just such a thing. Rarely do I complain, mainly because I know and believe God is doing His thing. But my goodness. 

The dating doesn't deposit into my already full joy bin. It doesn't feel like something worth getting out of bed to do. It's not something that I look forward to doing, even with the profiles that make me chuckle. It's just not enough. 

 A side tangent – some of my favorite profile quotes over the past week: 

"Swipe the way you vote." LOL – gladly 

"I have a job." – thank you for sharing 

"No weird ones." LOL - that ultimately disqualified me 

The ghosting, leaving people on read, and my new personal favorite – not even opening the message. It's just too much. You put yourself out there, all vulnerable and stuff, only for your message to be lost in the multiverse and not even given the courtesy of "seen." It's emotional blue-balling at its most frustrating. And yes, it's very ironic since I do the same thing. Sometimes, and usually intentionally. As many in my life know, I hate texting and prefer three-hour-long conversations. So, I'm not condemning anyone for doing precisely what I'm doing. It just seems to be a part of the journey. If you're not getting ghosted, left on read, or left on sent, you're not doing enough. You're also missing all of the fun! Or whatever. Right before I hit "send," I thought that the eternal optimism always present in my life gets pushed to the side as I wondered, "Is this worth the energy?" 

What I'm trying to figure out, though, what I'm curious about, if I'm wrong, is – is any of this shit worth it? Really? To the married friends I love or those bubbly social media Instagram couples, this is not a dig at your relationship, mainly because I have no idea what's happening or isn't (only you do). However, from the outside looking in, not at any specific relationship in particular, I sometimes feel that what I see from these relationships isn't worthwhile. Am I wrong to feel this way? 

My life isn't rainbows and bursts of sunshine all of the time. I'm not ready to discuss much stuff, but every day, I'm excited about getting out of bed for something. There are always pockets of joy, even in the days when it feels like everything is possibly trying to derail those said pockets of joy. 

When I think about the moments in my past when I didn't feel this deep-rooted sense of joy, I recognize just how far I've come in this journey. And I want to have a thirst to fill those moments of joy to the absolute brim. 

So. That leads me back to this dating piece. 

I often think about this, but the concept is about sitting within our feminine energy and attracting what's for us. There's this philosophy about harnessing feminine energy—seated in the aura of self-worth and letting life's gifts find their way to you. But where does the swiping fit into that? I'm not one to compete in this arena, and being a groupie sounds like too much work without much gain (no judgment if this is your game, go for it!). A whole group of folks want you to follow them on Instagram and interact there without the possibility or consideration of actually getting to know you. I really can't bring myself to do it. Sometimes, I wonder if swaying to my tune in the joyous jig of life is better left unaccompanied by the uncertain steps of digital courtship.

You have a good couple of likes from me before I go off somewhere and start thinking about if our ancestors are all around us in those little dust particles and sparkles we see behind our eyelids when we close our eyes. Clearly, what I'm trying to convey is that I have other more pressing matters that contribute to my growth and joy, and swiping may not be one of them. 

Still, though, I wonder. So really. Am I wrong for feeling this way? Am I wrong for wondering if this is all worthwhile? Or am I entirely correct, and you're right there with me? Are my sensitivities getting in the way once again? 

How I feel about the next steps – I think the key is to find joy in the journey, whether that involves swiping left, right, or not, and giving myself (and others) a large heaping of grace. With echoes of Shakira, ancestors, and existential musings, we're all just trying to find our rhythm through life, hopefully, with someone else who can keep up. Keep your twerking self and sense of self in check because, at the end of the day, knowing who you are and what you want is the golden ticket that outshines any digital validation. 

So, here's to embracing our quirks, staying true to ourselves, and remembering that digital validation doesn't define our worth.

I can't solve the dilemma of digital dating with a blog post and a sprinkle of humor. But I can ask the eternal question: Are we wrong to question the value of our fleeting digital connections, or are we finally getting it right by prioritizing joy and the connections that truly matter?

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