Cupcakes, Cancelled Plans, and the Fine Line Between Rejection and Disappointment

I know you’ve been there. You’re lounging around in the nude alongside your equally unclothed cat, and then you get the group text. The plans are still on. Plah! Cue disappointment. I can’t be the only one who sometimes feels disappointed when the get-together doesn't get canceled.

Do you mean I have to put on clothes now after lounging around in the nude? And drive?!

Some of you get it, and others are probably shaking their heads in judgment (Mom, I know you’re reading this). It's not important because the point is this: Disappointment and rejection are two different beasts—but sometimes, they feel like the same one.

For me, the lines can become a little blurry if I’m not sure if I’m experiencing rejection or disappointment. Sometimes, that group chat hits, and honestly, I’m a little disappointed that I didn’t get rejected this time since the group chat actually decided to include me this time. When vulnerability and expectations are involved, the blur just starts to blur more.

Rejection and disappointment are baked into the human experience. Societal pressures to succeed, achieve, and maintain relationships set the stage for these emotions. I’ve realized that Disappointment shows up when our hopes and expectations don’t pan out the way we envisioned. Rejection, on the other hand, is the experience of being excluded or denied outright. Both can feel like a gut punch, and sometimes they tag-team us in the same situation.

For example:

Disappointment: You hoped for Oreo cupcakes, but all they had was vanilla.
Rejection: You walked into the bakery, and they flat-out said, “Sorry, we don’t serve people who look like you.”

The overlap? Both leave you cupcake-less and contemplating your choices.

Thus, it can be beneficial to recognize the connections and differences between the two.

Disappointment is another inevitable part of life, at least for those of us who have expectations and hopes. Some people preach that we shouldn’t have expectations and that there is no reason to get our hopes up. I do not fall into that category. I always expect good things to occur and for the situation to end up with rainbows and butterflies—even better if there are cupcakes, too.

My natural inclination is to be optimistic. As a Christian, I believe we’re supposed to expect

great things from God daily. Thus, this perspective shapes my approach. Given the circumstances, I seek to anticipate the best-case scenario while acknowledging the possibility of encountering rejection.

But here’s the thing: Sometimes, reality doesn’t align with those expectations. Whether it’s people, circumstances, or baked goods, disappointment occurs when reality doesn’t match the picture-perfect scenario we had in our heads. Sometimes, reality falls short, and we’re left holding the disappointment bag.

These two emotions often crash the same party. Here’s how they show up together:

When Rejection Leads to Disappointment:Imagine you apply for your dream job, and they ghost you. That’s rejection. But then you start to spiral: Was I not good enough? Did I overestimate my skills? Will I ever get a chance like this again? That’s disappointment creeping in.
When Disappointment Feels Like Rejection:Your friends canceled dinner for the third time this month. You feel disappointed, but it also starts to feel personal, like you’re being rejected.

Both emotions require vulnerability and openness to navigate. The good news is that they also offer opportunities for growth and self-reflection.

Let me be honest: Disappointment and I are well-acquainted. I’ve had moments where I’ve set sky-high expectations for something completely out of my control, only to feel blindsided when things didn’t go my way. (Cue me sulking on the toilet, playing Candy Crush. Don’t ask what level I’m on—it’s embarrassingly high.)

Here’s what’s helped me:

Identifying the Feelings:Disappointment comes with an entourage of emotions—sadness, frustration, and maybe even anger. Identifying which ones I’m experiencing helps me process them more effectively.
Recognizing the Root Cause:What expectation or hope did I have that wasn’t met? By identifying the source of my disappointment, I can better understand how to navigate it.
Leaning Into Gratitude:I’ve started seeing disappointment as a gift—an opportunity to reflect, grow, and reset my expectations. Gratitude helps reframe the situation and shift my focus toward growth.

The Difference Between Rejection and Disappointment

So, while disappointment happens when expectations fall short, rejection is about being denied or excluded. Both bring similar emotions—frustration and sadness—but they’re distinct in their triggers.

The key difference? Rejection often feels more personal. It’s not just reality falling short of your hopes—it’s a direct “no” to something you offered or wanted.

The Gifts Hidden in Disappointment and Rejection

Both rejection and disappointment come with hidden gifts. They’re not just obstacles to endure—they’re opportunities to grow.

Resilience: Every “no” or unmet expectation builds your ability to bounce back.
Clarity: Rejection and disappointment force you to re-evaluate and refine your path.
Empathy: Experiencing these emotions deepens your understanding of others, making you better equipped to support them in their struggles.

Navigating rejection and disappointment requires introspection and growth to understand ourselves and others better. By embracing vulnerability and learning from our rejection and acceptance experiences, we develop an enhanced sense of empathy and resilience that we can leverage no matter what the world throws at us.

Through coaching, I’ve learned to embrace my emotions without judgment and that each of us is the expert in our own lives. Instead of seeing disappointment as a failure, I view it as a chance to course-correct and align with what’s truly important to me.

I hate to break it to myself and some of us, but sometimes, our expectations are misaligned and unrealistic. I’ve also learned that high expectations—while not inherently bad—need to be realistic. Not every bakery will have Oreo cupcakes, and not every person will meet the standards I’ve set in my head. Proactively working to understand who we are as individuals and the areas of our lives that we need to grow can help us navigate rejection and disappointment more gracefully.

Practical Steps for Navigating Rejection and Disappointment

Here’s what’s worked for me:

Feel Your Feelings: Name, embrace, and let them guide your next steps.
Seek Feedback: Constructive feedback can help you refine your approach.
Reframe Expectations: Shift your perspective to see unmet expectations as opportunities for growth.
Celebrate Small Wins: Every step forward—no matter how small—is progress.
Practice Gratitude: Focus on what’s still good in your life, even in the face of disappointment or rejection.

Final Thoughts

Rejection and disappointment are inevitable, but they don’t have to derail us. By understanding the nuances of each, we can navigate them with grace, gratitude, and maybe even a little humor.

So the next time disappointment sneaks in, or rejection crashes the party, remember this: We’re not alone, we’re allowed to feel what we feel, and there’s always an Oreo cupcake (or whatever is meant for us) waiting around the corner.

What’s a time you’ve confused rejection with disappointment—or experienced both at once? Let’s talk about it in the comments.

https://www.taneshalmoody.com/coaching

<!-- LinkedInContent: 🧁 Cupcakes, Cancelled Plans, and the Fine Line Between Rejection and Disappointment 🧁

Rejection or disappointment? Sometimes it’s hard to tell. Was it rejection when your friends canceled plans for the third time, or was it disappointment?

Rejection feels personal—like being denied or excluded. Disappointment happens when reality doesn’t meet expectations. Both sting, but they’re not the same. 💡

In my latest blog, I explore how to tell the difference and navigate both with grace:

🤔 Feel your feelings—name and process them.

🔄 Reframe expectations as opportunities for growth.

🙏 Lean into gratitude for what’s still good.

💬 What’s a time you confused rejection with disappointment? Let’s chat about it in the comments—you’re not alone.

Read the full blog below. 🔗

#RejectionIsGrowth #LiveFullOut #FullOutCoaching #Resilience #MindsetShift #PersonalGrowth -->