Swipe Left Like a Pro: How to Reject with Grace
- Tanesha Moody
- Jun 7
- 5 min read
Swipe Left Like a Pro: How to Reject with Grace
Rejection isn't just something that happens to us; it's also something we give. Whether it's swiping left, turning down a friend's idea, or saying no to a heartfelt proposal, being the rejector is a role we all play—and it comes with its own complexities.
Although I like to think I’m usually on the receiving end of rejection (woe is me, right?), I’ve played the role of the rejector, too. If life is a rejection universe, I’ve spent my fair share of time handing out “no’s.” What about the times when we’re the ones doing the rejecting?
Spoiler alert: rejection isn’t just something we endure—it’s something we dish out, too.
When I was in grade school, the lunch ladies (bless them) told me I’d be a “heartbreaker.”
And you know what? They were right. At one point, rejecting romantic prospects left and right wasn’t just a hobby—it was practically a competitive sport. Swiping left became so second nature that I might as well have been training for the Olympics of dating apps. (Under Armour, call me!)
But here’s the thing about being the rejector: it’s not always as easy or empowering as it seems. Sure, it feels good to be in control, swiping left, turning down ideas at work, but with that control comes responsibility—and a surprising dose of vulnerability.
Rejecting someone isn’t just about saying “no.” It’s about delivering that “no” in a way that respects the offer, the person, and the moment. It’s about balancing honesty with empathy clarity with kindness. And let’s be real—it’s not always straightforward.
Being the one to say “no” sounds like the better end of the deal, but it’s not always easy.
Let’s take my dating app escapades. For a while, it was all fun and games. Swiping left gave me a sense of control, a way to pass the time. But over time, it started to feel different.
There was guilt—were my standards too high? There was sadness—was I making the right choice? And there was self-doubt—am I rejecting people out of habit or fear?
Rejecting someone’s offer—whether it’s a creative idea, a personal request, or a heartfelt proposal—requires vulnerability. Just as the person making the offer puts themselves out there, the rejector is called to respond with honesty, courage, and care.
Rejecting someone can stir up its own cocktail of emotions:
Guilt: Am I being too harsh? Did I give this person a fair chance?
Sadness: Especially if you genuinely like the person but know the offer doesn’t align with your needs.
Self-Doubt: Did I make the right decision? Will I regret this later?
Empathy: You know how rejection feels, so you don’t want to be the one causing that pain.
These emotions highlight the importance of approaching rejection with care. Like we’ve discussed in previous blogs, rejection is about the offer—not the person. This is just as true for the rejector as it is for the rejected.
When we reject someone, we’re not rejecting them—we’re rejecting what they’ve placed in front of us. That distinction is everything. By separating the offer from the person, we can navigate rejection gracefully and maintain healthy relationships, even when the answer is “no.”
It’s easy to conflate the two, especially in emotionally charged situations. But as rejectors, we can reinforce this separation and remind others that their worth isn’t tied to any single offer.
Rejection isn’t just about the outcome; it’s about the process. How we deliver a “no” matters—because it has the potential to impact how someone sees themselves, their work, and their future offers. If we want to reject with integrity and empathy, here are a few principles to keep in mind:
Pause and Breathe: Before you deliver the “no,” take a moment to ground yourself. Rejection isn’t just a response; it’s a moment of vulnerability for both sides. A deep breath helps you approach it calmly and with clarity.
Express Gratitude: Start with acknowledgment. Recognize the effort and vulnerability it took for the other person to make their offer. Whether it’s a job candidate, a friend’s invitation, or even a romantic gesture, saying, “Thank you for sharing this with me,” sets a respectful tone.
Provide Compassionate Feedback: Honesty doesn’t have to hurt. You can deliver constructive feedback that helps the other person grow while staying kind.
Example: “I really appreciate your enthusiasm for this role. Right now, we’re looking for someone with more experience in X. Please keep in touch for future opportunities.”
Reiterate the Offer, Not the Person: It’s critical to separate the offer from the individual. You’re not rejecting them—you’re rejecting the idea, opportunity, or timing. Reinforce this distinction to minimize the emotional impact.
Example: “This doesn’t align with my needs right now, but it doesn’t reflect on you as a person.”
Check Power Dynamics: Rejection can feel heavier when a power dynamic is involved, such as turning down a mentee’s idea or declining a friend’s heartfelt offer. Be mindful of your tone and approach to avoid unintentionally discouraging future contributions.
Rejection has ripple effects. How we reject someone can shape how they approach future opportunities, their confidence, and even their perception of rejection itself. By rejecting with intention, we can make the experience less about loss and more about learning—for both sides.
Even as the rejector, rejection can feel personal. You’re making a choice that might disappoint or hurt someone. Whether you reject a bridal gown that your best friend loved or say “no” to a creative pitch, these moments require a delicate balance of honesty and care.
But remember, rejection isn’t about you as the rejector either. It’s about alignment. Just as rejection doesn’t define the person receiving it, it doesn’t define you for giving it.
Both giving and receiving rejection are part of life. They’re not just isolated events but opportunities for connection, growth, and clarity. Every “no” you give is a moment to reflect on your values and boundaries and to ensure you’re making space for the right “yes.”
Rejecting someone isn’t about closing a door; it’s about being honest about which doors are the right fit.
When it’s your turn in the rejector’s seat, here’s your game plan:
Breathe: Stay calm and present.
Express Gratitude: Thank the person for their offer and effort.
Provide Compassionate Feedback: Be honest but kind. Constructive feedback shows respect.
Separate the Offer from the Person: Reinforce that your rejection isn’t personal.
Being the rejector is a reminder that rejection is part of the human experience—for everyone. It’s a role we all play, and how we navigate it says as much about us as it does about the person being rejected.
Rejecting someone is messy, nuanced, and uncomfortable, just like receiving a rejection.
However, it’s also an opportunity to lead with empathy, deliver clarity, and foster growth.
So, the next time you find yourself in the rejector’s seat, remember to handle the rejection with care, respect, and a dash of grace. Because how we reject matters just as much as how we respond to rejection.
What’s the hardest rejection you’ve ever had to give? Let’s talk about it in the comments.
<!-- LinkedInContent: <span class="hidden-content">✨</span> Swipe Left Like a Pro: How to Reject with Grace <span class="hidden-content">✨</span>
Rejection isn’t just something we face—it’s something we give. Whether it’s turning down a friend’s idea or saying “no” to a heartfelt proposal, how we deliver a rejection matters. 💡
In my latest blog, I share practical tips for rejecting with empathy, respect, and grace, including:
<span class="hidden-content">🙏</span> Expressing gratitude for the offer.
<span class="hidden-content">🫂</span> Separating the offer from the person.
<span class="hidden-content">💬</span> Providing compassionate feedback.
💬 What’s the hardest rejection you’ve ever had to give? Let’s talk about it in the comments!
Read the full blog below. <span class="hidden-content">🔗</span>
