Stop Saying ‘No’ to Yourself: Conquering Self-Rejection
- Tanesha Moody
- May 24
- 5 min read
Stop Saying ‘No’ to Yourself: Conquering Self-Rejection
When we think about rejection, it’s easy to picture someone else shutting us down—a turned-down proposal to grab some Starbucks, a ghosted text, or a pass on that dream job. But what about the rejection we give to ourselves? Self-rejection is a thing, and it’s one of the sneakiest, most persistent forms of “no” we face.
Self-rejection often flies under the radar because we’re so used to our inner critic that it feels like background noise. But let’s be real: that inner critic isn’t just background—it’s that internal voice that is always screeching on repeat. When we constantly say “no” to ourselves, it feels like rejecting our very essence.
So, what is self-rejection? I describe it as a “No” internalized. If rejection is the opposite of acceptance, self-rejection is our internal refusal to accept our offers – our talents, ideas, and even ourselves as we are. It’s when we downplay our wins, hyper-focus on our flaws, and convince ourselves we’re not good enough—without anyone else even chiming in.
Think about the last time someone invited you to share your ideas in a meeting, and you hesitated, thinking, 'What if it’s not good enough?' That’s self-rejection at work. Or when a friend said, 'You’re so talented,' and your first thought was, 'They’re just being polite.' Those are moments of self-rejection in action—subtle but powerful. We’ve all been there.
When we repeatedly reject ourselves, we see every external rejection as proof that our inner critic was right all along. A missed opportunity or critique feels less like feedback and more like proof of our worst fears.
Self-rejection doesn’t just impact our internal world; it spills over into our actions, choices, and relationships. When we say 'no' to ourselves, we might shy away from opportunities, lower our goals, or avoid deep connections. Tackling self-rejection isn’t just about feeling better—it’s about living fully.
Self-rejection shows up differently for all of us, but some that I’ve noticed for myself and through my coaching clients include:
Negative Self-Talk: That inner dialogue runs a highlight reel of our mistakes and perceived shortcomings. (“Why can’t I get anything right?”)
Perfectionism: Holding ourselves to impossible standards and then tearing ourselves down when we inevitably fall short.
Comparisonitis: Constantly measuring ourselves against others and always coming up short in our own eyes.
Compliment Deflection: When someone says, “You did amazing!” and we respond with, “It wasn’t that great,” or “I just got lucky.”
Over-Acceptance of External Rejection: Taking every “no” from the outside world as proof that our inner critic was right all along.
When I think about where self-rejection comes from, it’s evident that it doesn’t just pop up out of nowhere. There are roots.
Childhood Experiences: Maybe you grew up hearing phrases like, “Why can’t you be more like your sibling?” or “You’ll never be good enough for that.” Those words stick.
Societal Pressures: We must not forget the pressure to “have it all,” look perfect, and excel in every area of life.
Past Rejections: External rejections from others can get internalized over time, reinforcing self-doubt and negative self-perceptions.
Unrealistic Expectations: When we demand perfection from ourselves, we set ourselves up for failure and berate ourselves for failing.
Self-rejection causes so much harm as a saboteur. When we find ourselves rejecting ourselves, we reinforce external rejections, limit our potential, hinder personal growth, and can potentially damage relationships. If we do it enough times, it becomes a habit.
So, what can we do?
First, we have to recognize self-rejection. I notice it when I start criticizing myself for not doing enough, even though I’ve been juggling a million things. Others may downplay compliments or feel uncomfortable when they receive praise. Still, self-rejection may look like avoiding opportunities because we’ve decided that we’ll fail. However self-rejection may make its presence known, we have to be diligent in seeing where it’s popping up in our lives.
Self-rejection isn’t a life sentence. We can shift our inner dialogue from rejection to acceptance with awareness and intentional effort.
1. Challenge Your Inner Critic
The next time your inner critic pipes up, question it. Would you say the same thing to a friend? If not, it doesn’t belong in your head either.
2. Practice Self-Compassion
When you mess up, resist the urge to berate yourself. Instead, say, “I made a mistake, and that’s okay. I’m learning.”
3. Celebrate Wins, Big and Small
Did you tackle a challenging project? Remember to celebrate it. Did you get out of bed when you really didn’t feel like it? Celebrate that, too.
4. Accept Compliments with Grace
The next time someone praises you, resist the urge to deflect. A simple “Thank you” is enough.
5. Set Realistic Expectations
Perfection isn’t the goal. Progress is. Give yourself permission to be human.
Turning Self-Rejection into Self-Acceptance
Self-rejection might be where the journey starts, but it doesn’t have to be where it ends. We can rewrite the narrative by recognizing it, challenging it, and replacing it with self-compassion. By recognizing, challenging, and replacing it with self-compassion, we can transform how we see ourselves.
Final Thoughts
Self-rejection is sneaky, but it’s not unbeatable. By acknowledging it and addressing it, we can start saying “yes” to ourselves—one moment at a time.
We often judge ourselves more harshly than anyone else ever could. But here’s the truth: we’re not alone in this struggle and don’t have to navigate it alone. Talking about self-rejection with a trusted friend, coach, or therapist can help us see ourselves with kinder eyes.
So, let’s rewrite the story. Let’s challenge the critic, celebrate the wins, and practice the art of self-acceptance because the world needs us at our full potential—not held back by the rejection we give ourselves.
What’s one way you’ve caught yourself self-rejecting recently? How are you working to shift that narrative? Let’s talk about it in the comments.
<!-- LinkedInContent: <span class="hidden-content">🛑</span> Stop Saying ‘No’ to Yourself: Conquering Self-Rejection <span class="hidden-content">🛑</span>
Rejection doesn’t just come from others—it often starts within. 💡 Self-rejection is the sneaky habit of saying “no” to our own ideas, talents, and worth before anyone else does.
Think about it: when was the last time you deflected a compliment, doubted yourself in a meeting, or let your inner critic take the wheel? These are all signs of self-rejection—and we’ve all been there.
In my latest blog, I explore practical ways to rewrite the narrative and shift from rejection to self-acceptance:
<span class="hidden-content">🌟</span> Celebrate your wins (yes, even the small ones).
<span class="hidden-content">🙏</span> Accept compliments with grace.
<span class="hidden-content">💬</span> Challenge the inner critic holding you back.
💬 How have you worked to shift from self-rejection to self-acceptance? Let’s share and learn in the comments!
Read the full blog below. <span class="hidden-content">🔗</span>
