Communication and Dating: Embracing Our Inner Coach

Communication and Dating: Embracing Our Inner Coach

So, I'm not sure when this happened, but it's really getting to me. 

I think this isn't just a dating problem; it's a little communication pandemic that is creeping and catching in every relationship interaction. 

I'm starting to wonder if people just don't know how to converse. Maybe it's something we just missed learning in school. Where to place (or not to place) a comma? Sure. How to write a sentence. Of course. But are you asking a meaningful question? Nah, you just need to know what a question mark is. 

When it comes to giving a soliloquy or monologue about ourselves, our personal opinions, or our anecdotes that probably sound better in our heads, we can go a mile a minute. However, if we express a question to show interest in another, some people are lost. 

Ok. Yes. If you've been to my blog for any amount of time, you know I'm a Coach. So, yes. Asking questions is what I get paid to do. I easily ask at least 100 questions of others every working day. I am not exaggerating. I absolutely love what I do! For you beautiful reader, please take a minute to think about it. How many questions do you ask in your daily interactions? As always, this is a no-judgment zone. 

I'm noticing in these seemingly one-sided interactions that asking questions is only one half; I can't forget the other part of listening (or reading). Plenty of experts are out here who are entirely prepared to get their Hamlet on (for the non-theatre folks, Hamlet talks to himself a lot throughout the play). In these moments, it's almost like they are not slightly interested in listening and including the other individual.

This occurrence is so frequent within messages. I'll pour my heart out in a text thread with eloquence and details that provide at least different paths that the conversation can take, and I'll receive not one inquiry about a single part of it. Or, I'll share a story at happy hour, and a follow-up question isn't asked before the person shares their own reverie. It's as if genuine curiosity has gone out of style, like skinny jeans for millennials. Those are out of style, right? I still wear them. 

Look, I've always been curious about other people, why they do what they do, their thoughts, and their feelings. I also love to talk. However, for any relationship to flourish, there must be genuine interest in the other person. What better way to demonstrate that interest than by asking thoughtful questions?

A few weeks ago, I had a Coaching day that started with my first client at 7:00 am and concluded at 11:00 pm. It was wonderful! However, after this fulfilling day of holding space, being curious through asking powerful questions, and supporting others, I found myself craving that same level of support. I wanted just a genuine display of interest in me. 

For better or worse, I know that others are also feeling the very real struggle. I love reading those dating profiles that start with "come healed" and conclude with "and know how to hold a conversation; this isn't an interview." It's even better when some part of that is typed in all caps. LOL. Swipe left. (Is this the reason I'm single?) 

Real talk. We may be being too harsh on others. Maybe, just maybe, no one ever taught them how to communicate effectively and express that genuine interest in others that we all deserve.     

As the eternal optimist, I believe there is hope. 

And like a Coach, I ask the question: What if we all showed up a bit more Coach-like in our relationships? 

• Ask Questions: There are so many resources available via Google search that have thousands of questions. My favorite go-to is "Tell me more about [blank]" to encourage deeper conversation. It's easy to remember and shows genuine interest because you're filling that blank with something that is said. 

• Actively Listen: Pause the listening to respond and try instead to listen to understand. Perk up your ability to pay attention to what's being said and what isn't being said via their body language, tone, and everything. Create a space for the other person and place your own opinions in a safe for later. 

• Express Empathy: Place yourself in the other's shoes, but in a way that doesn't mean you're giving heaps of advice or telling them what to do. Reiterate that you understand and care about what they're sharing. That goes a long way in building the deeper relationships we're craving. 

• Practice Vulnerability. Ah, the one that doesn't come as easily for me. Be willing and courageous enough to share your thoughts and feelings. Vulnerability reinforces the foundation of trust and intimacy, which are necessary for relationships. 

I'm hopeful that if we collectively work to communicate better, we can create more profound, more meaningful, and genuine connections across the board. Who knows? If we all showed up a bit more Coach-like, maybe we could change the world, one conversation at a time. 

Ready to revolutionize your communication skills and deepen your connections? Full Out Coaching offers personalized coaching sessions designed to help you become the version of yourself that you want to be and build stronger relationships. Take the first step towards more meaningful connections today. Click here to schedule your complimentary discovery call and start your journey to living Full Out!